Affirmation and consolation

Thank you Singapore for reaffirming my intense desire to leave civilization and live in a tree house. I seriously think S'pore should impose a fine for the English speaking/reading natives that despite numerous signs, obnoxiously kindergarten-like ground markings and constant announcements INSIST on pushing past you to get on the metro before people have gotten off. CHILL THE FUCK OUT, we're not in China! (pardon my language)

Driven to seek consolation in Bubble Tea #6. Drat. Seeking change I went for the Jasmine milk tea. Oh tasty goodness.

Hate Forwards....

.... so I am posting this here instead.

Only second to the 20 something year old chubby asian girl on the metro this morning in an orange and seafoam green full bodysuit... I'm pretty sure she thought she was a super hero. It took everything in me to not chuckle out loud!

A friend just sent me this email and it cracked me up, thought I'd share.

Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid This Place" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my a $$ everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time !

The Frenchie Theories...

Went out for a drink at Long Bar with one of my new roommates, Arthur. The place is famous for inventing the Singapore Sling, but I was advised against ordering one since they are now poured from a pre-made mix that is less than fantastic. At s./$22 a drink I stuck to something safe. A mojito.
Arthur is an absolutely hilarious sarcastic Frenchie. Here are his theories of the night....

The Midget Theory...
Being a midget would be great. Not only do you get the best view of girls in short skirts.... if you do the math your odds of getting lucky are better than the average Joe. Consider the number of midgets in the world and then consider the number of women with a fantasy about a midget. Bingo. What Arthur failed to account for was the chance encounter of these two unique beings should be in the same bar at the same time is quite low. Good thing he does not deal with numbers in his professional karaoke career.... oh wait, that's just at home, by day he is a banker. Scary.

The Buffalo Theory ...
http://www.joedigi.com/alcohol/buffalo.htm

Asian Bubble Tea Count: 5 .... and other oddities

The malls in Singapore are more confusing than the Vegas casinos. I now avoid the Orchard MRT and Esplande MRT.

This morning's adventure through the Esplande to find the Kimage hair salon resulted in me being 45 minutes late. Ooops. To ease my headache and brave the rest of the mall on the return to the MRT.... I caved to another bubble tea. :)

In the mall I saw a store that serves coffee and french fries. Obviously the two go well together, else why would you have a restaurant that sells only the two?

On a bus I saw an advertisement for Geox (Italian shoe company) stating 'International Patent'. Ummmm... just an FYI, there's no such thing.

Aisan Bubble Tea Count: 4

Second only to my new found gummy bear addiction... Pearl Milk Tea, aka Bubble Tea, aka Boba Tea, aka ... you get the idea.... So I've decided to keep count of how many of these delicious devil drinks I consume while in Asia (note: I've had it in the States before, but somehow everything tastes better here).

As of today: 4

Events of the Day..

1. Realized this morning I lost my REI backpacking towel :(

2. Saw a man on the bus with tufts of ear hair so long I swear you could braid it and donate it!

3. Was hated on by my Biotech law professor for being American. Knew there were different views in the world in regards to IP of biotech and gene patents, but did not realize that an extremely educated female professor would be so incredibly judgmental and close minded. Motto... ask before you assume you know all view points.
4. Went to the most intense international market ever! Literally four isles of chocolates from around the world. Twenty different kinds of mango chutney. Top ramen in flavors only jelly-belly could have come up with. No cottage cheese. Being overwhelmed and in the midst of a slight anxiety attack, I forgot to buy the toilet paper.
5. The only way Singapore sells cheese is in individual kraft-singles like packets. Gross.

6. Realized a 45 minute commute on the Singaporean public metro and buses is not as bad if you blast your headphones with really good music and pretend the people around you are just mannequins.

7. Lastly, an evening swim in the gorgeous pool at your apartment complex which is costing you an extra s./thousand dollars/month is entirely worth the money!

Singa-better.... someone is getting old...

I am not sure if I am getting old and less adaptable, sentimental and mushy, or was simply just stressed. But Singapore was one of the hardest adjustments I have been through. The country is quite small and crowded and despite being fairly wealthy with intense laws and fines to maintain order and cleanliness, the vast majority of it is really run down in appearance and chaotic. I suppose that is what you get when you shove 5 million people into 275 square miles!

It is a true melting pot of cultures with four official national languages, English, Malay, Chinese(Mandarin) and Tamil in addition to the multitude of other languages and several non-languages like Singlish. Some people are incredibly friendly, but many are LOUD, pushy and simply oblivious of their surroundings. Personal space might as well be a mythical creature. To several of the cultures (ahem... wont be mentioned) this is status quo, eat or be eaten, push or don't make it on the metro. To me.... well, let's just say its an exercise of self restraint and patience building.

Finding housing has been an unbelievable roller coaster ride. Tears were shed and threats of returning home... Average rent for a room in a decent flat is s./1400-2500 ($1-2k USD) not including utilities. Many of the older condos have the most ghetto bathrooms where the shower head is next to the toilet with a drain on the floor. I suppose your toilet stays quite clean but there is something unsanitary and unsettling about the arrangement. There are no apartment complexes per se, units are privately owned and rented and people have absolutely no quams with expressing and posting in their ads racial discrimination in selecting tenants and roommates....would never fly in the pc American world.

The drivers here are the worst I have ever seen. Even Peruvians where the cars have right of way have more consideration. I suppose when your country is so small you dont get a lot of practice driving long distances, but one would think they'd be the masters of smooth transitions from stopping and going and shifting gears. Think again. The bus drivers are the worst.... people literally falling over. Another idiosyncrasy, despite driving on the wrong side of the road (the left side) they stand on escalators on the left and let people pass on the right. The Chinese actually drive on the right and this creates horrific escalator traffic jams. They are also the first to push on to the metro while people are still trying to "alight" despite ample signage asking you to wait. I think S'pore should consider imposing a fine for breaking this rule.

After a full week of intense searching and utter disappointments, I finally found a room for rent with two young French expats. The complex is quite nice, literally on top of the metro stop though a bit far from the center of town. I am hoping this will help keep me focused on my work and less on exploring though sometime will surely be spent by the magnificent pool.

I am spending my last night in the most fantastic hostel I have ever stayed in. Hang out Hostel in Sinagpore is AWESOME! Avoid the G4 station, its only a few dollars cheaper and awful!

SingaPOOR...

I arrived in Singapore this morning around 7:40am. After 12 hours on a flight with two shrill screaming children I was ecstatic to hit the 80% humidity this lovely island has. The 15 flight attendants on Singapore Air were absolutely stunning... and BITCHY. Ordering a veg meal apparently means you give up all other amenities during the flight. When our attendant came by to hand out the ice cream for desert she told me I was not allowed to have one because of my meal choice! The darling old English guy next to me was as horrified as I was and offered me his. Bless his heart. I declined. At least I avoided 'cankles' on this flight and managed to get just a bit of sleep with the help of Tylenol PM.

NUS set me up with a 'buddy' (Aaron) in the law program who met me at the airport and helped me get situated. With in just 15 minutes I had a SIM card for my phone, an MRT express pass and had hit the ATM. He then escorted me through the fantastic maze of a metro system to the hostel (G4). It took three separate trains to get here. They are really nice trains but the civil engineers could learn a little efficiency from the Munich system. An hour later Mahesh (a contact from ASU who lives here) met me at the hostel with an agent to go apartment hunting. You would never have guessed the woman was even speaking English! Rolly polly little thing she at least had a cute giggly laugh. Utterly disappointed by the rooms I saw for rent. Not only are they god-awfully expensive ($1500/month) they are old and run down or cramped and shared with multiple families. What a strange housing arrangement the Singaporeans have going on. So I returned to the hostel and checked in only to be even more freaked out. My 2-bed room is more like a 2-bed closet!! Literally enough room to walk between the wall and the bunk bed. I am sharing with a Chinese guy who seems nice enough but just as freaked out as I am. To top it off the wifi which is free in the rooms does not actually penetrate the windowless rooms, so you must sit in the hallway (where I am now). UGH! What a start to Singapore.... I was about ready to head to the airport and demand to be put on a flight home, when in came an email glimpse of hope.

On one of my last days in Munich, by chance occurrence through multiple levels of people, I met a partner at a IP Firm for a coffee. Turns out she is from Singapore and her brother and his wife still live here. She was such a fascinating person, but I can go on and on about her later. I just spoke to Nicolai on the phone and he is going to call some friends to see if he can help find me a place. And even better he invited me to dinner with his family! Good thing cause all I had on the menu was Gummibarchen.

Keep you posted on how Singapore makes out in this second chance. My toes are crossed. Tomorrow is a national holiday and I start class on Tuesday so I'd really like to get settled in ASAP!

Zurich LayOver

The Wonderful World of Andi….

This entry is dedicated to my wonderful new ‘American loving’ pseudo-Russian friend Andi. While on a 4 hour layover to Rome, he picked me up at the Zurich airport and toured me around his not so boring city. Bless his heart, having partied the night before and not yet been home, he borrowed his friend’s shirt, came to the airport, suffered through my endless teasing and still managed to maintain a smile through it all.

We went to the Dolder Resort, the best place in Zurich, for a beer and an amazing snack. Up a tiny windy road, it sits atop a hill overlooking the entire city.
We lounged on the patio soaking up the gorgeous weather and spectacular view and discussed several crucial topics…. here are his theories…

Why Free Refills are Responsible for the Ridiculously Large Roads in the US ….

Gawking at the idea that even the restaurants in US give free refills on soft drinks, Andi decided this was the reason the roads in US are so big. Drinking a liter of coke with your meal will certainly make you fat, fat people need bigger cars, bigger cars need bigger lanes, bigger lanes means bigger roads. You can apply this theory across the board to come to the conclusion why everything in the US is bigger, it’s the unlimited refills. This was followed with the logical notion that people should be taxed based on their body fat percentage rather than they’re income.

Why Prostitution Decreases Crime and thus Should be Legal…

Turns out really ugly 45 year old men cannot get sex on their own. As a result, they become aggressive. Aggressive men are more likely to commit crimes, start fights, etc, etc. So if the only way an ugly 45 year old man can have sex is to pay for it, then it is really in the best interest of all of society that we allow women to do their part in reducing crime for a nominal fee.

Why the American Express Platinum is Better than a Starbucks Card…

The fringe benefits and convenience of the pre-paid Starbucks card go unrealized in Switzerland, but do not fear for there is something far superior! The American Express Platinum card! While I was aware the card existed I was astonished to hear of its hidden super powers. If you are of the elite few to own such a gem, you can actually call the company’s concierge to act as your personal PR manager. Yes the concierge will arrange to have you placed on the VIP guest lists at your club of choice for the evening! Never wait in another line, check extra baggage free of charge and enjoy knowing the $600 you just spent on your bottle of vodka at the club earned a free airline ticket half way to Moscow.