Zurich LayOver

The Wonderful World of Andi….

This entry is dedicated to my wonderful new ‘American loving’ pseudo-Russian friend Andi. While on a 4 hour layover to Rome, he picked me up at the Zurich airport and toured me around his not so boring city. Bless his heart, having partied the night before and not yet been home, he borrowed his friend’s shirt, came to the airport, suffered through my endless teasing and still managed to maintain a smile through it all.

We went to the Dolder Resort, the best place in Zurich, for a beer and an amazing snack. Up a tiny windy road, it sits atop a hill overlooking the entire city.
We lounged on the patio soaking up the gorgeous weather and spectacular view and discussed several crucial topics…. here are his theories…

Why Free Refills are Responsible for the Ridiculously Large Roads in the US ….

Gawking at the idea that even the restaurants in US give free refills on soft drinks, Andi decided this was the reason the roads in US are so big. Drinking a liter of coke with your meal will certainly make you fat, fat people need bigger cars, bigger cars need bigger lanes, bigger lanes means bigger roads. You can apply this theory across the board to come to the conclusion why everything in the US is bigger, it’s the unlimited refills. This was followed with the logical notion that people should be taxed based on their body fat percentage rather than they’re income.

Why Prostitution Decreases Crime and thus Should be Legal…

Turns out really ugly 45 year old men cannot get sex on their own. As a result, they become aggressive. Aggressive men are more likely to commit crimes, start fights, etc, etc. So if the only way an ugly 45 year old man can have sex is to pay for it, then it is really in the best interest of all of society that we allow women to do their part in reducing crime for a nominal fee.

Why the American Express Platinum is Better than a Starbucks Card…

The fringe benefits and convenience of the pre-paid Starbucks card go unrealized in Switzerland, but do not fear for there is something far superior! The American Express Platinum card! While I was aware the card existed I was astonished to hear of its hidden super powers. If you are of the elite few to own such a gem, you can actually call the company’s concierge to act as your personal PR manager. Yes the concierge will arrange to have you placed on the VIP guest lists at your club of choice for the evening! Never wait in another line, check extra baggage free of charge and enjoy knowing the $600 you just spent on your bottle of vodka at the club earned a free airline ticket half way to Moscow.